Epilogue

To attempt to get a wider audience I put some posts on social media. One of which was quick and easy to compile and post was using Instagram. Instagram suggests you should put hashtags on your posts. I’m pretty hopeless at this but I did add #yorkshiremanabroad as it appealed to my pride at hailing from God’s own county and the suggestion that there was danger, audacity and adventure by being away from the hallowed turf.

Imagine my surprise when I was clear of Canberra I got a new follower. He was a casting agent for a TV show. I paid little attention to it until Jerilderie when I got a request to talk on the phone. Now you have to remember that I had enough on with cycling, camping, feeding, writing a blog and, frankly, coping with the tour to be overly excited. So eventually the call takes place, as I’m leaving Jerilderie I mention I’m free and we could speak. When I left the town on a sleepy Sunday morning I was keen to get cycling to beat the inevitable heat. So stood on the hard shoulder feeling the temperature rising as I speak to Andy about his opportunity isn’t where I want to be.

Andy is casting for Rich Holiday Poor Holiday, a Channel 5 show that also has been put on Netflix. He likes this slightly eccentric Yorkshireman who’s riding with a rear view mirror attached to his spectacles through bewildering heat to Adelaide from Sydney. He asks me a gazillion questions and wants me on the show. However, he wants the family as well. I’ve never seen the show and have no real idea of what the plot entails.

I wrap things up and say I’ll ask the family. Obviously one member of the family is rather preoccupied with a new baby to be considered but maybe Anna and Katrina? The show’s proposition is that they send rich folk on a poor person’s holiday and vice versa. The reaction of the participants is the entertainment. It seems I’m a rich person and I’d have to find 16 unpaid days for filming to go on a naff holiday. The thought of slumming it in poor accommodation had a great appeal rather than another night in a tent but it’s not compelling is it?

If you’re an influencer or a very sad self publicist it may be an opportunity you’d jump at. For me then my inner Jonathan Edwards was not activated. Katrina quickly responded saying that she was not up for ‘camping on the Brecon Beacons’ and Anna was intrigued enough to watch an episode to see what it was all about but wasn’t interested afterwards. So I emailed Andy declining his invitation. In years to come if my Favourite Eldest Daughter ever asks what I did for her then I shall quickly remind her of the time I presented her with a passport to a career on the silver screen and she said no.

I mooched about Adelaide before returning. I’d got there with too much time to spare and as the temperature was 38°C it wasn’t a lot of fun outside. In planning my route from Sydney I never thought there was so little between Mildura and Adelaide to detain me or even offer up a place to stay. Adelaide’s a modern city with plenty of green spaces but a return visit isn’t on my mind.

The flights back to Manchester went smoothly but over 20 hours of flying is hard work. Back home I discovered I’d lost half a stone in weight, which is pleasing but watching it go back on won’t be!

Needless to say I’m wondering where to go next.

Truro to Adelaide (Frewville) 58 miles & 358m climbed

My sleep patterns have been akin to a baby over the month. I’m usually spark out by 7.30pm and awake, bright as a button, at 4.30am with an hour awake somewhere in the middle of that. When I awoke at 3am in the morning it was to messages from an Australian mobile number asking me to call. I thought there was no way I’m doing that! However the messager did ring after 7am. It was my Indian landlord saying the credit card I paid with on Booking.com had been declined? We agreed I would pay in cash and his ‘helper’ was being despatched to my ‘cupboard’ to collect the readies.

Wondering if this was a fraud taking place I called Anna to have her check the credit card statement to see if indeed it had been a successful transaction. It transpired the card had been cancelled. I coughed up the cash.

At 3am I also booked some Adelaide accommodation. Not the best time to do this stuff but needs must!

On your last day, on the bike after such a ride, it does have a ceremonial procession feel about it but it was still a demanding ride. The road climbed out of Truro but then I hit the flat on a hard shoulder where the surface was such that Max Verstappen would have been drooling. This led me to Nuriootpa where when I stopped to look at Google Maps to find breakfast a teacher asked me about my trip. It was outside the school entrance and he was ushering the sprogs inside. I’ve seen a lot of school children in the morning on this tour and I’m always slightly surprised to see all the boys in shorts all the way up to 18 in age, but why not?

After a leisurely stop it was clear to see I was in wine country.

I was still on the A20, that along with its miraculous hard shoulder, suddenly became a six lane motorway. I trundled along until I got to the start of the northern Adelaide conurbation. However, it was still 30 miles to my hotel, just south of the centre. The A20 continued to the centre but became a fast ring road with little in the way of cycle lanes. The centre of Adelaide has tree lined streets and some old buildings but on these outskirts it was tyre depots, second hand car dealers, manufacturing units and endless McDonalds and busy intersections.

When I got to the City I came off my old friend, the A20, and now, following Sat Nav, found my way to the hotel.

I had got a splendid room for c£400 for four nights, about £100 below the going rate. This discount was courtesy of Booking.com who through my prolific use I seem to have accumulated discount benefits. (The city is expensive at the moment due to a month long festival (of the arts) in Adelaide.)

The next day was my birthday, sixty nine, and as has been kindly put, I’m now into my seventieth year or as my Favourite Youngest may summarise ‘eighty minus eleven’. Well, after the 1,045 miles I feel there’s life in the old dog yet. The next day a vital task was to get a bike box.

I had the chore, after getting a free box from a bike shop, of carrying this two miles back to the hotel! It’s a bit small but one way or another it’ll all cram in. Then followed laundry, shopping and sleep.

The next day saw me get the bus into town and I mooched around. The centre, bathed in hot sunshine, is attractive spacious and greenery isn’t too far away.

Some refreshments were taken in a beautiful arcade.

And if I can’t find a car museum what’s the next best thing?

So I have two more days to see the Adelaide Oval (although don’t mention England cricket at the moment), the river, the Botanic Gardens and other assorted sights. However I will sign off now.

Thank you for following. It’s been a blast and I know over the following months I’ll reflect on the many Aussie people I met/talked to, John in Canberra, the kind interest in Blighty from family and friends, the country life with its contrast to the diverse cities, the heat, some of the beauty of the countryside but the thousands of square miles of scrub/bush, the well equipped campsites, the two kangaroos leaping alongside me, the early morning bakeries with their sandwiches (mainly egg and bacon), the growling monster trucks 24/7, the unforgettable/unforgivable Macquarie Pass, the early starts and the fact I didn’t damage my passport!

I’m a lucky boy. Hasta la vista.

Paringa to Truro 107 miles & 827m climbed

It was cold in the tent first thing. I never expected that! With a plan for early starts it means you have to pack and break down the tent in the dark. I managed to do this. It helps having no close neighbours to annoy, except the 18 wheelers on the A20 (and they can’t hear you.)

The start was through Renmark, a built up area and even though the early morning traffic was intense it was nice to have something to look at. Even a little agriculture came back into view rather than the open scrub land. However soon I had cleared the town and was back out on that hard shoulder that had now re-appeared as a rough asphalt track. Some genius, working for South Australia’s equivalent of the Highways Agency, had laid a hard shoulder from different material to the carriageway. Think of the saving! It was awful and shook the bike and me. I reckon I rolled at 2mph slower: generally not a big deal if you are moving at 60mph but significant if you’re moving at 12mph.

As a consequence I rode on the carriageway until I espied a vehicle bearing down behind me using my rear view mirror and then I hopped back over the rumble strip onto the ‘track’. This regime was demanding and needed a level of concentration and so no music or podcasts for me all day.

Lunch came into view at a service station at Waikerie and my specially made cheese and tomato sandwich scored 8.5/10. From here it was 26 miles to Blanchetown. By now we’re hitting mid 30°s temperature wise and cycling is a grind. I push on.

Blanchetown, in a valley down to the Murray River, arrives after 77 miles.

After a long search up and down steep hills in the small settlement the campsite comes into view or not. Despite the checks and confirmation that looked very shut to me.

I cycled up the hill to the Blanchetown Hotel to implement ‘Plan B’ it turns out they’re just a pub and restaurant. The landlord shares his ideas on accommodation options and they’re another 30 miles away, or as he ruefully commented ‘a forty minute drive’! He also commented there were hills to negotiate.

A little crestfallen I regroup and as Mao Tse Tung once opined ‘the longest journey starts with the first step’ and it’s back on to the A20. I bought some water at a petrol station and pointed my trusty steed west again.

At this point I must mention my relief and delight at my fitness. I was often feeling weary but the legs were strong, knees uncomplaining, the back didn’t hurt and I could always press on. I carry too much water on the bike, however, to run out means going further forward or stopping altogether are both dangerous. Better the weight than the thirst. My bicycle hadn’t missed a beat throughout the ride. By now it needed servicing but it’d get me to Adelaide. Thank you Cycle Heaven bike shop in York!

So first up were some roadworks. Over a couple of miles they were resurfacing and it was passage by convoy and enormously dusty, clearly not a concern if you’re in a truck can 10 feet up. After this it was 400m of climbing. I hadn’t done this since earlier on the tour!

At a Rest Stop (this is just a lay-by often with a bench, a gazillion ants, poor shade and litter) I stopped and with my friend Booking.com booked a miserable looking motel in Truro. By now I wasn’t overly fussy about where I’d lay my head but as I was arriving after 6pm some certainty appealed.

Pushing on the heat faded but the rolling hills keep appearing and then I rolled into Truro. The only motel is a fairly down at heel affair where Reception is locked and the mobile number I’m instructed to call has a voice mail message. Strangely, I’m not anxious, after 107 miles I’m just knackered and happy the ride’s over.

I get a call back from an Indian chap and he instructs me to sit tight whilst help is being sent to open up. This arrives and I’m let into a shoebox of a room. I ask about food options. There’s always the petrol station, she says, and the pub up the Main Street may be open.

So showered I wander down to the pub. Is it open?

It was and I ordered a couple of pale ales and some fish and chips. A fair reward for a long day. A surprisingly happy ending.

Early morning texts and calls are to follow from the landlord courtesy of Anna’s cancellation of the credit card…

Mildura to Paringa – 87 miles & 391m climbed

There was no escaping that the stretch from here to Adelaide had little to see and big distances between the towns. I hadn’t easily completed long distances on this tour because of the heat and now it just had to be done. I left the motel at 5.50am, well before daybreak. To accomplish this meant fitting lights.

I’m very reluctant to cycle in the dark because of safety but on Mildura’s residential streets it was quiet (and cold 12°C!) and seemingly safe. There were a few joggers and cars about. I thought if I left so early I’d minimise my exposure to the heat and given that it was Sunday the A20 wouldn’t be busy.

As I get to a junction to join this main artery road my mobile buzzes: a WhatsApp message. I hadn’t spoken to Anna as I’d wanted be off. It must be her. However, I stopped to check it. It was from Lyndon, a fellow music scribe and a kind supporter of my travel blogs. He passed on the information that an American music podcaster, friend, ‘good egg’ and seriously ill man had passed away. He had an aggressive cancer and it had taken him in weeks. I think he was only around 60 and had retired to pursue some hobbies and now this. Awful. Another friend and close friend of my wife had, the week before, advised that she was dealing with cancer again. I’m so lucky to do this but the real world will always intrude. With this sadness I pedalled on deep in thought.

I complained about the quality of the the hard shoulder to Mildura but from Mildura it was fine and I sped on and by my first stop at 9.30am I had 36 miles ‘in the bank’. I stopped at a tatty truck stop and had a coffee and sausage roll. I’m afraid most snacks in Australia involve beef, pork or chicken, oh and of course, cheese. Naturally none of this is fresh but nicely processed and out of the freezer.

Now this diet is very much an American one. The Australian large distances from fresh food opportunities, the need for fast food and the tastes of the customer are adjacent. Also, in terms of ethnicity, so are the proprietors: Indian. They are prodigious acquirers of truck stops, small supermarket franchises and hotels. It’s always men over 30 years old working all the hours available in these distant places. I salute their industry.

(Sandwich update. I bought one from Subway the night before. Tuna, of course. By the time I got to it. It was maybe 4/10. Message ends.)

My destination was in South Australia, where I gained half an hour due to it being a different time zone. As a State they are vigilant and determined to stop the import of a certain type of fruit fly. This fly lays its eggs in fruit and so you cannot bring fruit or vegetables across the border. Dutifully, at an earlier Rest Stop, I ate my banana and nectarine before approaching the inspection point on the road. I was pleased to be waved through but given there were lanes for trucks, camper vans, caravans and cars I did remonstrate that if they were taking this control matter seriously there should be a bicycle lane. Obviously they thought the heat was getting to me and smiled weakly.

Anyway I cycled on and by lunchtime I reached a town, Paringa. Here it was (Sunday) sleepy and mid 30°s and I chose to camp even though the local motel was attractively priced. My Indian host said my pitch would be A$45. I disagreed and pointed out that I didn’t need a ‘powered’ site. I hadn’t had space in my luggage for a TV, air con unit, fridge freezer and microwave. He saw my point of view and reduced it to A$35.

The site was well appointed but terribly hot. I tried lying down in the tent to discover it was a sauna. From here I went and jumped in the small swimming pool to cool down. After this I gave serious thought to making some dinner at the site ‘cook house’ but the haze of flies helped me make a decision to go across the road to the pub for a meal and pint.

On the next table there was a couple from Adelaide. I asked about whether there’d be camping at a town further up the road, Blanchetown? They said yes, as did a lady I phoned in Blanchetown and so did someone at the bakery the next morning. I climbed into my small abode feeling happy about today’s ride and that tomorrow looked straightforward. Oh how wrong you can be…

Rest Day – Mildura

For possibly no good reason I felt behind schedule and felt even worse about the rest day when the next morning I discovered how cool it was! I needed my fleece as I strolled to find breakfast. I found it and my microbes cheered as I treated them to muesli, yoghurt and fresh fruit!

However in the picture is one of my errors: the caffeinated coffee. (In the afternoon I attempted forty winks and I think this drug prevented sleep.) So after breakfast I ambled down toward the river where there was a Saturday market.

I’m sure the attendance was helped by the cool temperature. Mildura is a sizeable Victoria town with a lot of residential housing, The two big reasons it’s on the map are the fruit industry, which is vast, and employs many folk and attendant support services (and an armada of trucks ferrying the produce on the main highways.) The other draw is the Murray River that makes it quite a tourist spot. My Aussie pals from Barham (Barram!) were headed here and all the folk on my subsequent paddle boat jaunt were out of State tourists.

In the centre were many food outlets, in fairness nothing very upmarket, and regular shops such as supermarkets.

After a quick look at the stalls, mainly of local crafts, I went to find my 19th Century paddle boat for a trip on the Murray River.

She’s now diesel but once was steam and plied her trade on the river hauling timber, today it’s tourists. We had a nice couple of hours going through a lock and cruising along the river before being disembarked.

I mooched about in the afternoon and avoid lots of steps and come 5pm, even though not particularly hungry, I found a restaurant for a pizza and fries. Food is fuel and then I found myself in bed falling asleep just after 7pm! I wanted a good sleep to achieve a catch up and to set me up for some long rides to Adelaide. I was still concerned about the heat and the difficulty of getting to Adelaide with so few good camping or hotel stops. This was churning through my mind as I drifted off.

PS. I have been creating some social media to complement this drivel. My first wife studied my output and commented that my video and images with music was sufficient without my ‘talk’ videos. Nobody likes honesty do they…

Barham to Wood Wood – 67 miles & 156m climbed

I was sorry to leave Barham, it was idyllic beside the Murray River. However, it does give me the opportunity to briefly talk about the wildlife, not the cuddly chaps we all want to see but those hateful ones with six or eight legs.

At the site at dusk and dawn I got bitten to death. I did apply some spray on my legs but I still got bitten on my elbows and hands. This had me searching out my medical container in the tent to rub on some after bite cream. This is a constant campsite hazard but even if you’re not bitten by mosquitos other insects get everywhere! When I emptied my washing from the tub at the launderette in Deniliquin a large dead cockroach beast suddenly appeared. Needless to say it was very clean and if it had got soggy the spin programme removed all moisture. In Barham, at a bakery, I reached into the zip up part of my wallet where I keep change. Out came several coins and a small spider. As I was in a food shop I quickly swept it off the counter and went into my best Morris dancer impersonation as I attempted to follow and stamp on it.

However if those occurrences are intermittent then on the road any time I stop to, say, find my sunglasses, grab a Haribo, switch off a podcast etc I will immediately have flies on my face. The blighters are often in my eye socket or on my cheek walking toward my eye socket. You get used to it but it’s not fun. Also don’t get me started on ants…

So after a coffee and my daily bacon and egg sandwich I trundled along. The start is always at a reasonable temperature and you’re fresh. However eventually the sun starts to beat down, the headwind always appears and to add to all this then the locals had been talking about how hot this day would be. They were not wrong. This was at Swan Hill. Look at the temperature on my computer:

I drink, drink and drink all the time. Earlier blogs images show all the water I carry. I also have some electrolyte tablets I add. When I get to my destination I keep drinking until my urine changes from the colour of Scotch whiskey to weak tea. It’s vital. However your appetite falls off a cliff and I do carry stuff that I do fancy even if it’s energy bars or sweets.

My biggest hope on the road is that I can often find shade and a seat/bench. These are few and far between. However, to climb off the bike and sit on another type of seat in the shade is a real delight.

Today I had some serious miles to complete. Late in the afternoon the campsite at Wood Wood came into view. The site mainly accommodated fruit pickers/ machine operators who worked shifts. The Murray River has an immense amount of fruit cultivation.

I checked in at the Office and bought some baked beans to have with some bread. Very kindly, as it was the end of the day, I was given a free steak pie! The camp fee was only A$21. The owner was an Aussie but married to an Englishman. She told me about visits by her in-laws from England. Apparently the father and step mother were sweeties but the mother and step father were pains!

However, what an evening it was: still 40°C and the site had no air conditioned rooms to escape to. I mooched about absolutely fried. I drank two litres of water and pop just rehydrating from the ride. It was miserable and oppressive. As nightfall began I crept into my tent and lay there and perspired. I even popped out of the tent to remove most of the fly sheet.

However soon the wind picked up dashing the loose fly sheet everywhere. I got out to secure it again. Sleep was a fitful affair but by early morning the temperature had fallen and I even found myself inside my sleeping bag.

Wood Wood to Robinvale – 61 miles & 159m climbed

Robinvale to Mildura – 55 miles & 243m climbed

So in a scene from ‘Groundhog Day’ the day started with a bacon and egg sandwich. Frankly at this rate I will return to Blighty clucking and snorting due to my massive consumption. I think the type of person who starts at Stupid O’Clock (trades or ‘tradies’ as they’re known here) has this diet. What I would give for granola! However, fortified, I got on the road and headed north.

This day wasn’t scheduled. I omitted the ride from Wood Wood to Robinvale in my scheduling, I’d assumed I’d get to Mildura today. I have ‘float’ in my total programme but I would have rather have not initially got it wrong and lost a day! I was riding up the Murray Valley Highway and it offered one stop before I climbed into Robinvale. A coffee and a Bounty, in air conditioning was just what the doctor ordered.

Along the route there were many fruit farms. Produce included citrus fruits, avocados, chilli’s, grapes (table and wine), olives and nuts. By the time I got to Robinvale I came across many fruit pickers around the town, noticeable by their ethnicity and hi viz clothing. The nationalities included Fijian, Chinese and South Asian and one person I talked to said aboriginal. It seemed a miserable job but judging by the scale of production I’m sure most of the picking was automated. It was high season, for picking, almonds and pistachios.

After last night’s energy depleting campsite experience in the heat I decided I needed air conditioning and opted for a cabin at a campsite. This, in reality, was like staying in a caravan and would also facilitate an early getaway the next day.

Checking into my shed I was offered some grapes.

So I was off by 7am to Mildura. This time along the Sturt Highway (no, not Stuart!). I stopped to buy a sandwich (5/10) in the town and some other folk at the cafe were interested in my ride. I even had my photo taken and got engrossed in a discussion on the specification of tyre I was riding. That was nice.

What a horrid road. A single carriageway with often missing hard shoulder. This was not fun and one humongous truck got so close that I nearly lost my balance as I got caught up in his draught at 60mph. Where there was anything like a hard shoulder then my old friend the rumble strip appeared. (This was the worst road I have ever ridden in Australia. Sadly I think it continues past Mildura when I resume my ride.)

I’m resilient about cycling with traffic but I do like a sporting chance at safety.

If the truth be told the heat climbed again and I got to Mildura shot. The ride to Wood Wood had come at a price. My average speeds are good but that’s mainly due to no climbing. When I came to inclines I slowed and I knew I needed a rest day. I booked a motel and decided to flop, meanwhile outside the temperature soared.

However, lest I leave you glum at my weariness I was lifted by finding another car museum on the way into the town. You may or may not know that Australia had two dedicated manufacturers, namely Holden (eventually bought out by General Motors) and Ford. Both now no longer manufacture in Australia with Holden shutting its facilities in 2017. There is great nostalgia for this brand and hence the museums.