January 18, 2019

I cringe every time the latest Honours are announced. This occurs twice a year. In total 1,350 of these accolades are handled out to ‘recognise merit in terms of achievement or service’. At best described as a peculiarly British arrangement where there are several levels of award from a suffix that you cam affix to the front of your name through to a large number of prefixes that you can tag onto your surname. These awards are handed out to Brits and other members of the Commonwealth or we can give ‘honorary’ awards to citizens of other nations. 

Their compilation is by a couple of committees and then the Queen advises the lucky winners of their prize officially on certain dates. If you get the highest accolade then Her Majesty or delegates invite you to Buckingham Palace where you kneel; the sword is tapped on your shoulder and you get to discuss briefly the weather and her nag’s prospects at Epsom in the afternoon racing.

The problem is about who gets these awards. It seems a right for politicians, sportsmen, senior soldiers, ancient rock stars, national treasures in terms of acting, radio or TV personalities, currently overpaid ‘captains of industry’ and probably a whole selection of people who’ve spent about a decade canvassing for one (or putting money into good causes to gain ‘credits’).

This nonsense started in 1348 and may explain some of the archaic titles such as The Order Of The Garter. In fact the most common Honours are Commander of the Most Excellent Order of the British Empire (CBE), Officer of the Most Excellent Order of the British Empire (OBE) and Member of the Most Excellent Order of the British Empire. (MBE). The very reference to the British Empire is not only obsolete but frankly places it in a Netflix period drama.

If it is for service or achievement then why by heading a Government Department as a civil servant do you get a gong? You’re bewilderingly well paid, live a cloistered and privileged life and have another career of being a non-exec on all sorts of Boards (after you take your eye wateringly generous pension). Okay, you can do your job and climbed to the top of the ‘slippery pole’ but why should you get a bauble?

Captains of industry have tenures, sometimes long and sometimes short, where talent, good luck and timing enables them to earn £millions and have privilege in any activity they may want to participate in. After all this recognition they eventually get a Knighthood so that they can join their other lucky and lofty mates. A risk, of course, is that after your bank contributes to a global financial collapse: they might ask for it back as happened to luminaries at two UK banks. 

The celebrity strain is beyond a joke. This New Year saw Michael Palin and Twiggy get Knighted or made a Dame. Now to say anything derogatory about these two is akin to feeding a playful labrador puppy into a wood saw… but come on! Twiggy got the Honour for her services to fashion, the arts and charity? Google tells me that she has involvement with 13 charities. Well done and thank you but how many folk do you know who are devoting over 10 hours volunteering or caring where they get no money, no support and certainly a lot less than appreciation? I know a few.

If these celebrities make a mockery of the pecking order of worthiness then don’t start me on footballers, actors or musicians. It seems that the first hiring question for their future PR agency is what will you do to accelerate my acquisition of an Honour? “My qualifications are that I’m over 50 years old, have convictions for drugs and have mainly led a dysfunctional life that has enabled tabloid newspapers to have a splendid time telling people about me. I am also hopelessly rich, entitled and hob nob with junior Royals. However, I’ve lent my name to a few charities, I fit in a couple of functions a year and my PA has me sign lots of T shirt. In addition I can fit in a gig for free once in a blue moon. Surely that’s worth a Knighthood for my export sales and high profile?”

A mediocre political career on the back benches can get you a Knighthood if you vote regularly with the Government, say nice things about the leadership when required and retire when the tap comes on the shoulder to release your safe seat to an acolyte of the ruling junta.

Somewhere down the list with the junior accolades are ladies who’ve devoted many days a month to teaching disabled children to ride a horse or given 50 years of service to being a lollipop lady on a dangerous road in rain and snow. I love these folk and we walk in their shadows. Neither do I have a problem with awards of distinction such as bravery. I’m humbled to think what soldiers do on battlefields, who isn’t? 

I know a few men who’ve had an Honour. Were they worth it? Debatable but I do know one who spent a lot of time and effort trying to get the highest award (unsuccessfully). There are many who’ve turned down the offer when they’ve been asked if they want one. I’m happy with that but a few have gone out of their way to demonstrate their virtue signalling by declining the Honour – frankly, that’s worse than accepting it.

Due to political patronage and the desire to create ‘feel good’ on the front page of The Daily Mail twice a year this antique Byzantine practise will continue with some occasionally ‘sold’ for a donation to a political party. And with all this we sneer at corrupt practices in Asia and Africa.

Lastly, there are some monumental cock ups. Lovelies who’ve been awarded an Honour include Mussolini, Ceausescu, Mugabe, paedophile Jimmy Savile and traitor Anthony Blunt. I suspect there are a few current holders who glance nervously over their shoulder at the Serious Fraud Office and or some under-age sex investigation policemen.

Don’t get me started on the award of honorary degrees…

January 30, 2018

Yes, I know I can be an irascible git but sometimes the brutal stupidity of others’ actions, through ignorance, needs to be pointed out. Anna and I went down to North Wales to see Ann Marie, my sister. The present Mrs Ives has allergies and Ann Marie’s labrador is such a hazard. Hence we stayed nearby at a delightful hotel in what is a very nice little coastal resort. Most hotels have parking but not Anna’s pick. The requirement was that you had to proverbially ‘feed the meter’ at stupid times of the day in a nearby car park. 

I admit that I failed in this simple task and some parking management warrior in a nice uniform and Ford Escort van pounced to issue a parking ticket. (I know about the Parking Marshall as I mentioned his largesse, to him, when we passed in the town later). So whilst I will pay the fine I felt that I should share a point of view with the Council’s Chief Executive, the Leader of The Council and local MP. This scurrying around to answer my letter will cost them more in administration than the £25 I will pay for this stupid fine.

No doubt I shall get told to enjoy sex and travel but we’ll see.

February 5 post script – had a letter back from the MP asking for permission to more widely circulate my letter! Chief Executive’s office has responded saying that he’s on holiday but will respond.

                                                                                                                                                                      39 Lakeside,

                                                                                                                                                                      Acaster Malbis.

                                                                                                                                                                      York,

                                                                                                                                                                      YO23 2TY

Subject:        Conwy Town Centre Parking Regime – Tourism Prevention

Dear Mr Davies,

I write to express considerable disappointment after a brief stay in Conwy.

My wife selected The Erskine Arms as a hotel to stay at for two nights. We travelled from Yorkshire. The premises are splendid and the hotel boasts a bar and restaurant. Unfortunately parking is limited and a guest has to probably use Council pay car parks. Paying for overnight parking at a hotel would be something you’d expect in a busy city centre location and not ordinarily at a small coastal town.

We left our car in the Vicarage Gardens car park. On Sunday morning, admittedly late, I returned to the car at around 8.25 am to renew the parking. On this cold, wet and windy January morning the streets were deserted. Clearly this is low season and not only were shops shut but tourists and locals were thin on the ground. I bought a ticket and sauntered to the car to discover a parking fine. The Council Civil Enforcement Officer had got nicely into position before at 8.00am and had identified at 8.01am that my parking had expired. He duly met one of his quota penalty bookings for the shift and by 8.06 am had stuck the ticket to my windscreen.

 Needless to say the car park was largely empty with a few local resident’s cars on parking permits.

 I arrived with my new ticket (another £2.00) and clearly I was too late. I attach copies of tickets and the fine for verification of this activity.

If you are to pass this letter to your officials to respond then no doubt I will be told of important parking challenges in the town centre, clear signage to make potential victims aware of fines and that if I pay promptly then I can reduce the fine.

However, let me help you think about this another way:

• Guests drive a long way and check in. The hotel is hoping that the guests spend further money at the hotel and may fear telling the guest that they should arise from their slumbers before 8am (on a cold, wet and windy Sunday morning in January) to refresh the ticket. After all this will be an awful welcome and may depress food and beverage sales at the hotel. What a dilemma?
• After the parking fine is delivered to the guest the hotel will now probably receive a blow. The guest will now go on to Trip Advisor, and maybe other sites, and mark down the experience and advise people to avoid this hotel or Conwy. A £50 parking fine is probably the equivalent of 50% of their hotel bill if they only stayed one night.
• For your information my wife and I spent around £350 (at the hotel and around Conwy and Llandudno) over our two night stay.
• How welcome is this hotel and tourist revenue, in January, to the local businesses? How many people now have wages to pay their Council Tax?
• I worry that the Council doesn’t care about these tourist revenues or ‘selling’ Conwy as a welcoming destination and views parking as a revenue stream.

What your officials can do to correct this nonsense is:

1. Have a seasonal extension until 9am before the Parking Marshall springs into action. I am sure they can identify parking issues that are a genuine hazard and then be nicely in place for issuing, at 9.01am, a parking ticket on a cold, wet and windy Sunday morning in January.
2. Or you can extend the overnight (seasonal) charge of £0.60 from 6pm to 9am. If you are worried about the lost revenue of that hour then whack it up to £1.60 for overnight! I note you have differential arrangements for different times of the year. (Sadly the number of parking fines will fall as a result of this tourist friendly change and may reduce fine revenues).
3. Or you can enable the machine to issue two tickets – one for overnight and then another from 8am the next morning thus allowing revenue to be protected?
4. Or you can come to some arrangement with the hotels that allow them to have concessions for guests or for an advance ticket to be purchased via the hotel. (This is how it works in most city centre hotels where guests use local public car parks).

Lastly, you can rest assured that I will be telling all I meet about this pernicious experience. I cannot imagine that it will help tourism in Conwy. However, there again do you care?

Yours faithfully

A H Ives

Cc             Councillor Gareth Jones OBE

                  Guto Bebb MP

January 18, 2019

I cringe every time the latest Honours are announced. This occurs twice a year. In total 1,350 of these accolades are handled out to ‘recognise merit in terms of achievement or service’. At best described as a peculiarly British arrangement where there are several levels of award from a suffix that you cam affix to the front of your name through to a large number of prefixes that you can tag onto your surname. These awards are handed out to Brits and other members of the Commonwealth or we can give ‘honorary’ awards to citizens of other nations. 

Their compilation is by a couple of committees and then the Queen advises the lucky winners of their prize officially on certain dates. If you get the highest accolade then Her Majesty or delegates invite you to Buckingham Palace where you kneel; the sword is tapped on your shoulder and you get to discuss briefly the weather and her nag’s prospects at Epsom in the afternoon racing.

The problem is about who gets these awards. It seems a right for politicians, sportsmen, senior soldiers, ancient rock stars, national treasures in terms of acting, radio or TV personalities, currently overpaid ‘captains of industry’ and probably a whole selection of people who’ve spent about a decade canvassing for one (or putting money into good causes to gain ‘credits’).

This nonsense started in 1348 and may explain some of the archaic titles such as The Order Of The Garter. In fact the most common Honours are Commander of the Most Excellent Order of the British Empire (CBE), Officer of the Most Excellent Order of the British Empire (OBE) and Member of the Most Excellent Order of the British Empire. (MBE). The very reference to the British Empire is not only obsolete but frankly places it in a Netflix period drama.

If it is for service or achievement then why by heading a Government Department as a civil servant do you get a gong? You’re bewilderingly well paid, live a cloistered and privileged life and have another career of being a non-exec on all sorts of Boards (after you take your eye wateringly generous pension). Okay, you can do your job and climbed to the top of the ‘slippery pole’ but why should you get a bauble?

Captains of industry have tenures, sometimes long and sometimes short, where talent, good luck and timing enables them to earn £millions and have privilege in any activity they may want to participate in. After all this recognition they eventually get a Knighthood so that they can join their other lucky and lofty mates. A risk, of course, is that after your bank contributes to a global financial collapse: they might ask for it back as happened to luminaries at two UK banks. 

The celebrity strain is beyond a joke. This New Year saw Michael Palin and Twiggy get Knighted or made a Dame. Now to say anything derogatory about these two is akin to feeding a playful labrador puppy into a wood saw… but come on! Twiggy got the Honour for her services to fashion, the arts and charity? Google tells me that she has involvement with 13 charities. Well done and thank you but how many folk do you know who are devoting over 10 hours volunteering or caring where they get no money, no support and certainly a lot less than appreciation? I know a few.

If these celebrities make a mockery of the pecking order of worthiness then don’t start me on footballers, actors or musicians. It seems that the first hiring question for their future PR agency is what will you do to accelerate my acquisition of an Honour? “My qualifications are that I’m over 50 years old, have convictions for drugs and have mainly led a dysfunctional life that has enabled tabloid newspapers to have a splendid time telling people about me. I am also hopelessly rich, entitled and hob nob with junior Royals. However, I’ve lent my name to a few charities, I fit in a couple of functions a year and my PA has me sign lots of T shirt. In addition I can fit in a gig for free once in a blue moon. Surely that’s worth a Knighthood for my export sales and high profile?”

A mediocre political career on the back benches can get you a Knighthood if you vote regularly with the Government, say nice things about the leadership when required and retire when the tap comes on the shoulder to release your safe seat to an acolyte of the ruling junta.

Somewhere down the list with the junior accolades are ladies who’ve devoted many days a month to teaching disabled children to ride a horse or given 50 years of service to being a lollipop lady on a dangerous road in rain and snow. I love these folk and we walk in their shadows. Neither do I have a problem with awards of distinction such as bravery. I’m humbled to think what soldiers do on battlefields, who isn’t? 

I know a few men who’ve had an Honour. Were they worth it? Debatable but I do know one who spent a lot of time and effort trying to get the highest award (unsuccessfully). There are many who’ve turned down the offer when they’ve been asked if they want one. I’m happy with that but a few have gone out of their way to demonstrate their virtue signalling by declining the Honour – frankly, that’s worse than accepting it.

Due to political patronage and the desire to create ‘feel good’ on the front page of The Daily Mail twice a year this antique Byzantine practise will continue with some occasionally ‘sold’ for a donation to a political party. And with all this we sneer at corrupt practices in Asia and Africa.

Lastly, there are some monumental cock ups. Lovelies who’ve been awarded an Honour include Mussolini, Ceausescu, Mugabe, paedophile Jimmy Savile and traitor Anthony Blunt. I suspect there are a few current holders who glance nervously over their shoulder at the Serious Fraud Office and or some under-age sex investigation policemen.

Don’t get me started on the award of honorary degrees…

March 14, 2017

Coming from the North of England then London has retained, for my lifetime, an aura that will always be difficult to shift. After all it is the home of some things central to every Englishman’s life – Wembley Cup Finals, where the Queen lives, Houses of Parliament and not least where all the big bands will play a gig.

I lived there briefly for a year when I was 18 years old and then lived close, for 6 years, in Essex during the 1980’s. However the place then never seemed such a very foreign country.

I feel when I step out of car after a sojourn down the M1 or alight at Kings Cross that I am like the shop floor worker who suddenly finds himself in the director’s office: impressed with the furniture, his wardrobe and ambition but uneasy about who is paying for all this, that the director didn’t pay his dues to get to this position and the fact this chap is calling all the shots as regards my life.

On my recent pilgrimages to the epicentre of the UK I was wandering around a Co-op, in Crouch End, when I saw an aisle identifying ‘International’ foods. Momentarily I half expected to find foreign foods such as Yorkshire Pudding Mix, Worcestershire Sauce, Pontefract Cakes, Ginger Nuts and Marmite. After all London is the sixth largest French town with an estimated 350,000 living there. Google suggests that from the 2011 Census that over 36% of the London population was born abroad. The very look of many streets in terms of shops is something that has a middle eastern bazaar feel to it rather than anything like a provincial British town.

London has changed as regards its population in such a significant way that it wouldn’t be a stretch to worry that, in it’s position as the centre of our country that, it doesn’t think like the rest of the England and Wales. More to the point then whilst I have often visited London and the south then how many Londoners had been north of Hendon. A city state?

The way it votes reflects its cosmopolitan or multi cultural composition. The rest of Britain is not multi cultural apart from a few mono cultural centres that are just not British white. The way it viewed Brexit moved it into the same category as Scotland or Northern Ireland.  The wealth and public expenditure and the voracious demands for more resource makes it London-centric whilst much of the UK would dearly want to have a fraction of its expenditure on infrastructure, health, education and culture.

As regards the property market then not least at the very top end it has been driven by foreign money seeking a safe haven or a high return. This trickles down to the rest of the housing market eventually pricing, say, two young people in reasonably well paid employment out of the market forever probably. Who’s happy with that?

Our news seems to be a cocktail of London analysis and their angst about the wider world. British journalism, all located in London, seems in these post Trump and Brexit times, to be struggling more profoundly to change and move on. This is a group of often intellectually gifted, connected and mobile people and I wonder if they are holding frantically onto the old entitled order which they could reach, predict and control/influence or are they floating free of prejudice and providing a valuable critique? To haul out a social media strap line then – it doesn’t speak for me. I get told that all is turning to ashes. However, if you live outside of London then many think England might alternatively be starting to come to its senses.

On my recent trip I got up early on a Sunday and went into the centre. Young London was still pulling the duvet up overs its ears as I took advantage of the frequent and efficient public transport to town. I suddenly got a vista of some of the amazing architecture without millions of folk jostling for space on the pavement. I saw the delicious and wide range of food shops and eating establishments. I took in a world class museum. I wondered around stores carrying a range of their goods greater than anywhere else in the UK. I enjoyed the view, the size, the investment and the peace. It will always have the stature and authority but maybe the North and Midlands are rising again. It could be a long war.

January 20, 2017

This morning I bowled up to the building that houses BBC Radio York and the guy that was actually on air was outside the building having a quick cigarette! I was scheduled to be on the show with him (!) in about 10 minutes. I was there to talk about travelling/holidaying in the USA.

I didn’t detain him long as I suspected that he had to get back! However, I asked how the show was going. He said “terrible”! They’d invited callers to telephone in about the politics of Donald Trump. No one called! Given that York has a population of 120,000 and tens of thousands in the broadcast area then this was a poor response.

Knowing that a long discussion was not appropriate I volunteered my own thoughts and said “I don’t think people are that interested: it is just a fixation of the media”. He said he agreed, stubbed out his fag and returned to the listeners.

The advent of 24/7 news means that those who have the inclination, or are paid to have the inclination can blitz you with every twitch of a political story and the views surrounding it for what appears forever. If it is your drug then you can also participate and spill your poison across your iPhone or keyboard as well.

The British media has got so excited about Trump.

(Let’s not enter the debate on the politics of it all. I’m more comfortable respecting the Americans to make democratic decisions without proffering a profound view).

Why are the British media so interested in the US President? We’ve never shown anything like this interest in previous Presidents. During George W Bush’s tenure we had the collapse of the US banking system where I lost my job and the deployment of British troops in Iraq! It isn’t as if they have not affected our lives in the UK until now.

Journalists and their editors are fixated. It is as if no judgement is exercised on how and what to cover other than something that interests them.

Not fair? Well let’s talk about this – remember ‘The Leveson Inquiry’? This was a judicial public inquiry into the culture, practices and ethics of the British press. Really nobody in the British public gave a damn. Yet radio shows were stopped for breaking news, it was the headline news on TV, radio and Internet for a few weeks. Now as a publisher, editor or journalist then I may be very interested professionally but it is as if they didn’t see beyond their bubble and personal pre-occupations.

It was telling on last night’s BBC TV’s “Question Time’ when the obligatory anti-Brexit question of ‘What do the panel think would be the result of a Second Referendum now?’ got hit into the long grass by all the panelists who had little interest in the question and whilst all waffled around the subject then it was interesting that no one answered the actual question. The point being that the issue or story has no life in it. This was despite it being a week where the Prime Minister outlined more about a future UK trading position outside the European Union.

So do I want less information and less investigation? No I want relevance and an appropriate level of coverage.

Less is more as they say. 

January 16, 2017

It seems as if you are impugning the reputation of a dearly loved old aunt by asking if charities are good value for money but it has been rattling around my head for sometime and there are things to consider.

Firstly it is a complicated matter in that some organisations are charities that you wouldn’t think were. Some hospitals, social housing companies, schools, colleges and their like are charities but I refer to the charities who we ride across continents, run around muddy fields, swim miles and bake for.

I was recently asked to support a friend who was completing a swimathon for Marie Curie. I chucked in £10 but later, after research discovered that only £6.50 of that money went to the cause she was swimming for! Of course there is administration to pay for but other things have to be noted. Marie Curie employed, in 2014, 4,352 staff. Only 3,164 were nursing or staff in hospices. The balance of 28% of the staff were involved with Publicity, Fundraising, Support, Shops and Research.

Cancer Research UK have over 2,000 employees directly involved with fundraising. They also pay surprising salaries: over 39 executives took home over £100,000 pa. This truly troubles me as when it comes to the next senior executive they need to hire they will trot along to the Executive Headhunter who will tell them about talent shortages and competitor pay levels and then look forward to the 15 to 20% commission that they will pocket for finding this bright light in the firmament. Now I’m all for talent but, frankly, the Prime Minister only earns around £145,000 pa. I feel that you could successfully recruit for lower remuneration.

Added to the problem is that many of these organisations have Final Salary Pension Schemes. It is ironic that donations are topping up pensions that most donors can but dream of. Little old ladies paying £2 per month by direct debit? The Royal National Lifeboat Institution has a deficit in its Scheme and was planning to pay £12.7m into their fund in 2013.

Sorry but I haven’t finished. People care about all sorts of things, for example, red squirrels. A quick Google will bring up several charities raising money for these little tree rats. Each to their own as they say. However Gift Aid cost the Government about £1.2 billion pa. Let’s be frank we all tick the box, why not? Free money for the charity? Well sort of, as ultimately it is the tax payer who foots this along with the £1.2 billion non domestic rate relief that charities receive back. So the extra 25% might be worthy for a charity helping those with MS but squirrels?

So you may have the view that anything that brings an end to suffering in foreign lands or a cure for something dreadful is worth twice the price and don’t dwell on the numbers but be aware. I’m more for giving money to a charity that is local and modest and not something that I don’t view as appropriate.

(Further reading from True and Fair Foundation, Charity Choice & ThirdSector.co.uk)