Getting here!
Getting to the start of your holiday would never be a blog but getting to New Zealand requires about 23 hours in the air and, in my case, incarceration in a space so small that retrieving anything off the floor would defy the flexibility of a small chimpanzee. It was hard going and glancing at the screen to find that you still had another nine hours to go before reaching Auckland, after leaving Dubai seven hours ago, is not uplifting. I was sat on the second row behind a bulkhead on the second flight. Isn’t that where they seat young children so they can be plonked in a bassinet on a shelf I hear you all ask? Yes. So would a toddler, unaware that he was confined in a ridiculous small space, clamped to his parents for what must feel like most of his childhood not wail and complain? Yes. However, after a crash course in intensive crying and toddler tantrums through our recently becoming grandparents I coped well as I cranked up the volume on the inflight entertainment.

After being denied boarding by Qatar Airways in 2024, due to a worn passport, I obviously avoided them and selected Emirates. Apart from the route, times and cost the other thing to obsess about was the weight allowance. It was 30kg in the hold and a strict 7kg cabin bag. This would be surely enough for any tourist but remember I’m packing a bicycle and enough luggage and kit to sustain a camping trip. For literally weeks I weighed things and moved them around the bags and got to damn near 30kg for the hold. Turning up to Check-In at Manchester airport they asked me the weight, as well as had I deflated my tyres! They didn’t weigh the box or the other bag with 6kg in it. So much for all that anxious planning. On the 7kg cabin bag they never even looked at or weighed my bag as I boarded. At the Gate they’re handling a few hundred people and the last thing they’re thinking about is your hand luggage. Obviously we’re all scarred by Ryanair whose pernicious luggage policy is all about making a few extra €’s.
Last time at Auckland we’d queued for a long time at Security and read the signs that told you about their bio security priorities in NZ. On this basis I’d decided to declare what meagre provisions I’d brought. So when I wheeled through my big bike box I got asked what food I’d brought? I said some gels and packets of porridge. ‘No meat or honey etc.?’ Well, we’ve all seen these TV fly on the wall programmes where someone has their bag opened to find half a horse’s head (only the edible part of course) and pickled chicken entrails accompanied by a weak explanation that they didn’t know there were restrictions on animal body parts as they feigned to have a tenuous understanding of English! Anyway they scanned my bags and I was free to proceed to the car rental.

If you’d ask me what car would I have no plan to buy it’d be an EV: I have range anxiety and never anything Chinese. I won’t be helping the Chinese Communist Party unload subsidised cars on the West as they destroy car makers in their march to global hegemony. So, of course, I discovered I’d hired a Chinese EV. A Geely, this manufacturer own Volvo as well. Anyway as I shuffled along slowly in heavy traffic it repeatedly told me to concentrate on the road and seemed to be watching me (I later found out it was with a camera on the steering column.) I’d like to think I was occupying a person sat in a bunker in Beijing watching an elderly man seemingly juggling a water bottle, peering at his Sat Nav and singing loudly to The Mothers Of Invention whilst he ruminated on how the British ever had an empire if this was a specimen of their talent pool.

Anyway I got to the hotel but couldn’t work out how to switch the car off. So I relied on the well known, fail safe, strategy of opening the car door hoping this would trip something. It did and surprisingly no warning came up on the dashboard telling me that bailing out at speed was injurious to my well being. This all made me think he’d given up on me and gone for lunch.
So for Friday 13th things had gone well and next it was the challenging project of Tony vs. jet lag. I worried this would play out over several days.

























