August 1, 2017

Firstly, ‘Wife Report’ – it may not come as a surprise to learn that I have been promoting the idea of the present Mrs Ives getting a job to more usefully occupy her time. I was pulled to one side last week to have critical advice imparted to me by my bride. I was overfilling the kettle and as a consequence boiling water that I didn’t immediately need. This apparently has implications for our monthly electricity bill. I feel that such wisdom must be sorely needed elsewhere as I certainly have had my fill (geddit?)

Other pearls of wisdom from the opposite sex were given at Tesco. At the self check out I had in some way caused the till to seize and advice was given by the bloody machine to ‘call for assistance’. At this point I did express, loudly, some displeasure. A matronly figure sashayed toward me with a bright “Good morning’ resplendent in her Tesco uniform. Sensing my irritation at the inanimate object causing me distress she opined ‘its because of the biscuits in your bag’. I was grateful for her diagnosis and replied “I bet you say that to all the boys’.

The Favourite Youngest parted company with her first car (Twiga) this week although it put up a fight to stay! Sophie has been promoted and is now slumming it in a company BMW. I was detailed to sell the Peugeot 107 and we had an interesting week. AutoTrader chucked up two traders who pretended to be buying it for their family. Despite an asking price of £2,250 one said £1,700 was their offer.

As the week passed and no one contacted us I took it to a small independent dealer in York. He hummed and harr-ed and then returned to tell me all the things wrong with the car and, through sucked teeth, generously offered £1,500. Sex and travel came to mind as I exited the showroom.

We reduced the price to £2,100 and continued to pray for calls. One of the earlier dealers rang again to offer £1,750 but there was hope in sight when a young lad rang saying he’d bring his dad for a spin and he only lived 15 miles away.

They duly turned up and had a drive in biblical rain and offered £1,800. They seemed quite firm but before we could start haggling Sophie, home for the weekend, took a firm stance on £1,950 and ‘hope’ turned on it heels saying they had another car to look at and they’d let us know.

Next day a text arrived saying that they had found another car. Glum with this news I contacted Evans Halshaw and asked if they were interested. We got an email saying they would at a price of £1,886 subject to inspection and a drive. The car was presented and we expected the usual catalogue of reasons to reduce the price but hopefully something interesting would ensue. To her undisguised delight (she should never play poker for money as her face was a picture of joy) they offered £1,890. She accepted and Twiga was gone.

Lastly the photo below is magic and truly is the wisdom of… some women.